Starting again...

So...it's been a minute since I've written in here...I guess I can say I've been dealing with some real life issues.

The adjustments alone have been almost more than I can bear, but it's a learning curve and I'm glad for the experiences.

My fiance has been home for five months now. We are living together and that's been the biggest adjustment of them all. It's had it's ups and downs, but even through it all everytime I look at him I am more and more in love with him. It's difficult to get used to a person but with him it's been pretty manageable...

So he's home in March. And like we had both been anxiously anticipating...real life started. The actual physical living in the same house with him hasn't been hard at all. That's been the easy part. Just having him here is the most awesome thing in the world.

Outside of that there have been issues. Finding a job caused a lot of behaviors that neither one of us liked and then the pressure of wanting to move and not being able to and wanting to do things that we were unable to had made for some pretty dark times...but I think I see the light.

My sister and I planned a nice couples getaway retreat for June. My sister had just graduated from college and we were ready to get away and do some things.

We spent an awesome week in Daytona Beach. Stayed in a condo right on the beach. Got a chance to visit some theme parks and walked the boardwalk and just hung out a bit. This was my fiance's first real vacation like that and since we left on his birthday I wanted it to be special for him since he spent his last one in the heat of Afghanistan.

It was a great time and something that I'm sure we'll remember for a while to come.

Once we got home it was time to start planning the wedding which was supposed to take place in August. So the planning began. We had a small engagement party back in May so the wedding party members could all meet. That was a great time too even though some of the guys didn't make it out.

We had planned the bridal shower and my "waiting to exhale" party and then bomb number one dropped. We had to change the date due to some unforseen legal circumstances that I won't get into the details of. That was a blow that disappointed me more than anything but I worked toward getting past it.

Once I did that and had a reality check I made the necessary adjustments to change the date of the wedding. had to get the deposit back from the reception hall and then choose a new date. We got the date changed and squared away with the Pastor of the church. I had found a restaurant with a banquet hall that had a decent price and did everything including cake and decorations.

Then I went into a standstill mode. I went into the maybe this wedding isn't going to happen mode...it made me depressed and I just didn't want to talk about it. So I didn't. To anybody. But it was riding in the back of my mind that maybe we weren't going to have a wedding after all...I began to get scared that this wedding we wanted everyone to see was going to go bust...I felt like we were running out of time and we were never going to find a place to have this reception.

Then one night I went to help my friend do a cake tasting at a VFW Hall. It was gorgeous inside. When I inquired about renting it the lady told me that every Saturday was booked all the way to January 2011...busted again...

A few more weeks went by...then one day when I was bored at work I hit up the internet. And I found the most gorgeous American Legion Hall I'd ever seen. So I called and lo and behold our date was open!!!

The following Saturday we went to look at the place and it was perfect. Everything we needed. So we put a deposit on it and now we are set on that...now we are preparing for the final stages of planning.

It's exciting and scary at the same time.

I want to have a nice wedding. But more than that I dream every night of becoming Mrs. Hansel Von Fritzgerald. I've been waiting my entire life for this. And I feel like whatever the storm may bring we'll end up on top of it.

Changes...are you ready?

I can see right now that remembering to make my posts is going to be the most difficult for me...I guess I just have so much going on...

Anyway...Now that the deployment is over - my man is home...well he's been here for a few months now. And at this moment he's gone again for two weeks..sigh...

But - I digress, let me get back.

His coming home was a HUGE deal for me. I had so many visions in my head about how it was going to be I almost drove myself crazy.

The people at my job even put me out. I was told by my supervisor that if I came in to work anytime before Monday (he came home on a Wednesday) that they wouldn't even let me in. So work wasn't even allowed.

They came in on a Friday...then the usual few days they spent doing whatever they were doing before the let them come home the following Wednesday...I was excited, nervous, anxious, scared...just everything.

Then I got lucky and got to ride up to pick up the guys with another wife. Joy. LOVE her! We drove from Chicago to Indianapolis with no radio at all...we talked the whole way. She is the BEST and just like me.

We got there and amazingly enough they were ready for us.

Seeing him after six months being away was...different from what I thought. But there were so damn many of them out there it was almost hard for me to spot him...lol

Once we got their stuff packed away and got on the road - I believe the shock began to settle in. I kept touching him...couldn't believe he was actually there - next to me. It was weird. No more phone calls...emails...FB chat - all live and in person. And he was moving in...was I ready for this??? I hoped so because if I wasn't there was going to be hell to pay!

Then we fell asleep in the back seat of the car. And the funniest thing happened. He was sleep...I woke up. He had his arm around me...I tried to move - and he grabbed me...funny but cute.

The last four months have been quite the learning experience. Lord knows I'm used to living with a man. But to live with a man that you adore the way I adore him??? It's still almost too much to take at times...

At first I didn't even want to go to work - just wanted to be next to him. Whatever he did - I wanted to be there...he's kind of forced me to get out of that and I guess I'm glad to some extent.

Now he's gone to AT for two weeks...counting the days until he comes home again. I've missed him...

But I've discovered that I think I'm going to love being an Army wife...no matter where it takes us.

Where do I start???

A very good friend of mine told me months ago that I should document this portion of my life...because this story needed to be shared. I think I've started this at least three times. I'm going to try and stick to it this time.

I forsee the need to capture it now because there's going to be so much more to add to this I think I need to write what I can remember while I can so that when the new stuff happens I can be on top of it...lol.

So I guess the question is...what do you do when your relationship starts with an IM on Facebook??? The whole scenario about how I even became an Army Fiancee was so weird, even to me, that at first I was scared to talk about it...it couldn't be real...

With so many changes going on in my life at the time, sitting at work and all of a sudden - the IM box pops up and it was...HIM!!!

Him who I went to high school with more than 20 years ago. Him who I always thought was cute but who was WAY to quiet and skinny for me at the time. Him who when I first friended him on Facebook didn't look quite like he did back then - a remarkable transformation if I must say so myself...Him who I had exchanged a few wall posts with about four months ago...him who I was hoping to be able to see but then he disappeared...after checking out his page I found out why...after those wall posts, two months later or so he was 5000 miles away in a foreign land that most of us only see on CNN or MSNBC.

He's IMing me from Afghanistan, I thought as we began to settle into this cute, comical conversation that seemed to happen everyday at the same time. But he was in Afghanistan, right??? This couldn't possibly be anything more than something for him to do to pass his time...that was in May.

By June I had actually gotten used to chatting with him everyday. That's when the phone calls started. I missed the first few of them and I was scared he was going to stop trying to call me...then - the letter. I was at my desk and saw that he had posted his address in case people wanted to write. If I had known what kind of effect my four page letter would have I would've done it much better believe me...I wrote the letter because I had heard that soldiers like to receive mail. And I'm a writer...so I wrote...page after page until I got to four and stopped before he thought I was crazy. Sealed, stamped and mailed it...

I didn't know that little letter would change my life forever...after the letter and more chatting everyday - the infamous question was asked...casually, but asked "have you ever thought about being an Army wife?" - Whoa! I thought as a gazillion images flashed through my head...well sure...to you? Wow...is he serious? No - he can't be...but damn he's fine...but he can't be serious...he's a lifetime away...and he doesn't even know me...wow...

I must have given him an appropriate answer because he kept talking to me...by now the 4th is rolling around and our chatting and phone conversations were becoming more regular and more comfortable. I was really into this guy...but I hadn't seen hide nor hair of him in over 20 years! Was I crazy? He couldn't really be serious about this...I know I'm just someone who fell into this - "i need something to pass the time" trap that he had set...but it's got to be expensive for him to be calling me like this every weekend, right? I mean we talk on the phone for 45 minutes at a time sometimes...but DAMN he's fine as hell...and he's telling me everything about his life...is he serious???

So now we're talking about him coming home on leave for two weeks and some of the stuff we're going to do...I'm actually getting excited about seeing him, but still cautious about whether or not he's really serious. Then there were certain comments that were being made during our many phone conversations...and they all seemed to start with "when we get married"...WTF???

Okay...did he just say that? Really? When we get married??? Is he serious??? Nooooooooooooooo he can't be - I know this is just my imagination, right??? I haven't seen this man since HE graduated from high school...but DAMN he is fine as HELL...so I guess when he comes home in about a month we'll hang out and we'll see how things go, right???

Wrong...after talking online and talking on the phone - it's been two and a half months now...I'm REALLY starting to feel this man...still thinking I'm crazy but now HE'S saying the same thing...what IS this??? As our conversation got to be a little bit more involved and WAY deep - I'm freaking out now...about everything...but still hadn't quite told anyone what was happening for fear that they would think I was out of my MIND...

Then about two weeks later - we were on the phone...and it was the tone of our conversation that was a revelation to me...this man was serious about wanting me to be his wife. The conversation was much too deep for him not to...maybe he IS serious...now I have a whole new set of stuff to think about. I knew that he was compatible to me...we are like the same person. I was certain that when he came home and after we saw each other - he was gonna ask me to marry him...was I ready for that? I had only been single for about a year. Did I even want to get married again? It was just too much...

Then a strange thing happened...I went to work one Monday - just like any other Monday...until about ten o'clock in the morning that is...we're talking like we usually do and...HE ASKED ME!!! And I said yes....OMG - did this just happen? I can't breathe. Damn it's hot in here...wtf did I just do??? I need to go outside...

I was in a haze for the rest of the day...I had only been reconnected with this man for what? Three months...hadn't seen him...only talked to him online and on the phone...what if he comes home and he hates me? I know I'm in love with him...but what if he comes home and I hate HIM??? Is this going to work???

Busy, busy, busy - had so much going on. My daughter's last year of jr. cheerleading, I was the Coordinator, planning a class reunion, other alumni stuff going on, took a motorcycle class - I could barely keep up with my own self...then - dammit - he was coming home in two weeks....whew - back the truck up...TWO WEEKS???? I had been so busy I wasn't prepared.

I mean I know we were talking about it but now it's like a week away...then he was gone from over there...he was on his way HERE!!! OMG...it's Wednesday. He'll be here by the weekend. And I told him I would pick him up from the airport - what was I thinking????

After going to the airport the wrong day and waiting three hours (his fault) and not being able to sleep that night...EARLY in the morning on Saturday my cell phone starts blowing up...he's stateside...whew...then immediately began to sweat bullets...HE'S HERE??? OMG OMG OMG!!!

Now I'm in the airport in the baggage claim - sweating and trying to play it off like I'm so good with this...and then - THERE HE IS!!!! And he looks just like his picture!!! Even after almost 24 hours of straight travelling...DAMN HE IS FINE AS HELL!!!!

Two weeks went by fast and we did in two weeks what most couples do in months or years sometimes...met families and kids, dated, and all that other stuff that is involved in courting...we had two weeks to get it done. And we did...then it was time for him to go back...I thought I had done a pretty good job of psyching myself up to be able to deal with him leaving...I mean I knew he had to go back...but it was only six more months...I could do that, right???

The man couldn't even get out of my driveway before I lost it...and it stayed lost for three days after that...I didn't think I would ever recover - but I came out of it...finally.

So now we had six months to endure...I missed him so much...it was harder at some times than others...I cried. A lot. Stayed inside. The holidays were just awful...but I knew if I could get through the holidays I would be okay because he'd be home a few months after that...

It was the longest six months of my LIFE! Now I was paranoid that something would happen to him and that this relationship would never see it's fruition.

And then - it was March...he's on his way home...when I first saw him - I just kept touching him...just to make sure he was real and I wasn't dreaming...

Him being home has been both challenging and life changing all at the same time...we've gone from learning about each other on the phone to living with each other and learning each other in person.

It's totally an adjustment...but if I had to I would SO do it all over again...as long as the end result was us being together...

Soooooooooooo - now that the last year has been put into one blog post - I feel like I'm caught up enough to start really blogging...lol.

Until next time...