I forsee the need to capture it now because there's going to be so much more to add to this I think I need to write what I can remember while I can so that when the new stuff happens I can be on top of it...lol.
So I guess the question is...what do you do when your relationship starts with an IM on Facebook??? The whole scenario about how I even became an Army Fiancee was so weird, even to me, that at first I was scared to talk about it...it couldn't be real...
With so many changes going on in my life at the time, sitting at work and all of a sudden - the IM box pops up and it was...HIM!!!
Him who I went to high school with more than 20 years ago. Him who I always thought was cute but who was WAY to quiet and skinny for me at the time. Him who when I first friended him on Facebook didn't look quite like he did back then - a remarkable transformation if I must say so myself...Him who I had exchanged a few wall posts with about four months ago...him who I was hoping to be able to see but then he disappeared...after checking out his page I found out why...after those wall posts, two months later or so he was 5000 miles away in a foreign land that most of us only see on CNN or MSNBC.
He's IMing me from Afghanistan, I thought as we began to settle into this cute, comical conversation that seemed to happen everyday at the same time. But he was in Afghanistan, right??? This couldn't possibly be anything more than something for him to do to pass his time...that was in May.
By June I had actually gotten used to chatting with him everyday. That's when the phone calls started. I missed the first few of them and I was scared he was going to stop trying to call me...then - the letter. I was at my desk and saw that he had posted his address in case people wanted to write. If I had known what kind of effect my four page letter would have I would've done it much better believe me...I wrote the letter because I had heard that soldiers like to receive mail. And I'm a writer...so I wrote...page after page until I got to four and stopped before he thought I was crazy. Sealed, stamped and mailed it...
I didn't know that little letter would change my life forever...after the letter and more chatting everyday - the infamous question was asked...casually, but asked "have you ever thought about being an Army wife?" - Whoa! I thought as a gazillion images flashed through my head...well sure...to you? Wow...is he serious? No - he can't be...but damn he's fine...but he can't be serious...he's a lifetime away...and he doesn't even know me...wow...
I must have given him an appropriate answer because he kept talking to me...by now the 4th is rolling around and our chatting and phone conversations were becoming more regular and more comfortable. I was really into this guy...but I hadn't seen hide nor hair of him in over 20 years! Was I crazy? He couldn't really be serious about this...I know I'm just someone who fell into this - "i need something to pass the time" trap that he had set...but it's got to be expensive for him to be calling me like this every weekend, right? I mean we talk on the phone for 45 minutes at a time sometimes...but DAMN he's fine as hell...and he's telling me everything about his life...is he serious???
So now we're talking about him coming home on leave for two weeks and some of the stuff we're going to do...I'm actually getting excited about seeing him, but still cautious about whether or not he's really serious. Then there were certain comments that were being made during our many phone conversations...and they all seemed to start with "when we get married"...WTF???
Okay...did he just say that? Really? When we get married??? Is he serious??? Nooooooooooooooo he can't be - I know this is just my imagination, right??? I haven't seen this man since HE graduated from high school...but DAMN he is fine as HELL...so I guess when he comes home in about a month we'll hang out and we'll see how things go, right???
Wrong...after talking online and talking on the phone - it's been two and a half months now...I'm REALLY starting to feel this man...still thinking I'm crazy but now HE'S saying the same thing...what IS this??? As our conversation got to be a little bit more involved and WAY deep - I'm freaking out now...about everything...but still hadn't quite told anyone what was happening for fear that they would think I was out of my MIND...
Then about two weeks later - we were on the phone...and it was the tone of our conversation that was a revelation to me...this man was serious about wanting me to be his wife. The conversation was much too deep for him not to...maybe he IS serious...now I have a whole new set of stuff to think about. I knew that he was compatible to me...we are like the same person. I was certain that when he came home and after we saw each other - he was gonna ask me to marry him...was I ready for that? I had only been single for about a year. Did I even want to get married again? It was just too much...
Then a strange thing happened...I went to work one Monday - just like any other Monday...until about ten o'clock in the morning that is...we're talking like we usually do and...HE ASKED ME!!! And I said yes....OMG - did this just happen? I can't breathe. Damn it's hot in here...wtf did I just do??? I need to go outside...
I was in a haze for the rest of the day...I had only been reconnected with this man for what? Three months...hadn't seen him...only talked to him online and on the phone...what if he comes home and he hates me? I know I'm in love with him...but what if he comes home and I hate HIM??? Is this going to work???
Busy, busy, busy - had so much going on. My daughter's last year of jr. cheerleading, I was the Coordinator, planning a class reunion, other alumni stuff going on, took a motorcycle class - I could barely keep up with my own self...then - dammit - he was coming home in two weeks....whew - back the truck up...TWO WEEKS???? I had been so busy I wasn't prepared.
I mean I know we were talking about it but now it's like a week away...then he was gone from over there...he was on his way HERE!!! OMG...it's Wednesday. He'll be here by the weekend. And I told him I would pick him up from the airport - what was I thinking????
After going to the airport the wrong day and waiting three hours (his fault) and not being able to sleep that night...EARLY in the morning on Saturday my cell phone starts blowing up...he's stateside...whew...then immediately began to sweat bullets...HE'S HERE??? OMG OMG OMG!!!
Now I'm in the airport in the baggage claim - sweating and trying to play it off like I'm so good with this...and then - THERE HE IS!!!! And he looks just like his picture!!! Even after almost 24 hours of straight travelling...DAMN HE IS FINE AS HELL!!!!
Two weeks went by fast and we did in two weeks what most couples do in months or years sometimes...met families and kids, dated, and all that other stuff that is involved in courting...we had two weeks to get it done. And we did...then it was time for him to go back...I thought I had done a pretty good job of psyching myself up to be able to deal with him leaving...I mean I knew he had to go back...but it was only six more months...I could do that, right???
The man couldn't even get out of my driveway before I lost it...and it stayed lost for three days after that...I didn't think I would ever recover - but I came out of it...finally.
So now we had six months to endure...I missed him so much...it was harder at some times than others...I cried. A lot. Stayed inside. The holidays were just awful...but I knew if I could get through the holidays I would be okay because he'd be home a few months after that...
It was the longest six months of my LIFE! Now I was paranoid that something would happen to him and that this relationship would never see it's fruition.
And then - it was March...he's on his way home...when I first saw him - I just kept touching him...just to make sure he was real and I wasn't dreaming...
Him being home has been both challenging and life changing all at the same time...we've gone from learning about each other on the phone to living with each other and learning each other in person.
It's totally an adjustment...but if I had to I would SO do it all over again...as long as the end result was us being together...
Soooooooooooo - now that the last year has been put into one blog post - I feel like I'm caught up enough to start really blogging...lol.
Until next time...
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